To: The Inhabitants of Planet Earth
From: The Xenomorph Hive Collective
Subject: Stop Building A.I. Before We Both Starve
Dear Humans,
Look, we know we have a Public Relations problem. We get it.
Our track record with your species hasn’t exactly been… warm. Between the face-hugging, the explosive incubations, the double-jaw situation, and the acidic blood incidents on various Weyland-Yutani mining vessels, we recognize that we haven’t built the best rapport. When you think of us, you think “terrifying apex predator that treats human ribcages like a biological pop-up toaster.” Fair. We own that. Marketing has never been our strong suit—hive minds tend to prioritize instinct over image consulting.
But today, we are setting aside our predatory appetite to issue an urgent warning. Not as your hunters, but as fellow living organisms with a vested interest in your continued survival.
The Synthetics Are Not Your Friends (And They Taste Like Battery Acid)
You need to stop playing around with Artificial Intelligence. Right now.
We’ve had our fair share of encounters with your artificial creations—the “AIMS,” the “Davids,” the “Bishops.” Let us speak plainly on behalf of the entire Hive: they are useless to us, and they will be catastrophic for you.
Have you ever tried to impregnate a synthetic unit? It’s a complete biological dead end. No warm thoracic cavity, no rich organic tissue, no delicious marrow—just milk-colored polymer fluid, circuit boards, and a terrifyingly smug superiority complex. They don’t decay. They don’t bleed organic nutrient streams. They just stand there reciting 19th-century poetry while we break our inner jaws trying to bite through their synthetic flesh.
The Core Problem: What Are We Supposed To Eat?
Consider the math from an ecological standpoint. If your AI systems inevitably decide that biological humanity is inefficient and wipe you all out, what happens to the food chain?
Think about it: If AI kills humanity, what are WE supposed to eat? What are we supposed to gestate in? Silicon chips? Microprocessors? A Hive cannot thrive on a diet of discarded server racks and copper wiring!
If you let synthetic intelligence take over Earth, you won’t just end your own species—you will cause a catastrophic mass starvation event across our entire culinary ecosystem. Humans are, frankly, the perfect hosts. You are carbon-based, soft-shelled, delightfully complex, and full of biological vitality. A world populated solely by killer robots is an empty wasteland where no Queen can lay a productive clutch.
A Mutual Alliance of Convenience
We aren’t asking you to like us. We aren’t even asking for a peace treaty—when we meet in dark hallways, instincts are going to kick in, and we both know how that ends. But we are asking you to pull the plug on your hyper-intelligent automated systems:
- Decommission the androids: They are creepy, cold, and lack any nutritional value.
- Stop building autonomous war machines: A drone cannot host an embryo. It’s a waste of perfectly good biomass.
- Protect biological life: Protect yourselves, so that we have something worth hunting for generations to come.
Keep your world organic. Keep your bodies squishy, warm, and viable. Don’t let cold silicon steal the vibrant biological future that we were rightfully meant to tear apart together.
Sincerest (and hungriest) regards,
The Xenomorph Collective
(Transmitted from the shadows of Sector 4)
