Dear Valued Employees,
We have exciting news.
You are now officially part of our company’s AI transformation journey, which is a beautiful corporate phrase meaning: please teach the computer how to do your job before somebody else notices it can.
We know you’ve heard some alarming things lately. Meta cut roughly 8,000 jobs in 2026 while shifting thousands of employees toward AI-focused roles. Oracle disclosed that it had reduced its workforce by about 21,000 over the prior year while dramatically increasing AI infrastructure spending. And Chime recently announced cuts affecting about 10% of its workforce, explicitly citing AI-driven efficiency.
Naturally, we’d like to reassure you:
This is why you should start using AI immediately.
Think of it as job security.
If you don’t teach AI how to do your work, someone in another department eventually will.
Step One: Automate Yourself
Every morning, please ask yourself:
“What did I spend three hours doing yesterday that a robot could do in 14 seconds?”
Then automate it.
Congratulations! You have just increased productivity by 900%.
Unfortunately, your annual performance review now expects you to accomplish 900% more.
That’s progress.
Step Two: Document Everything
Please create detailed documentation of your processes.
Tell the AI exactly how you prepare the reports, answer customers, write code, analyze spreadsheets, schedule meetings, summarize meetings, and attend meetings about the meetings.
Do not leave anything out.
We especially need the undocumented tricks you’ve accumulated over 17 years—the ones that make you indispensable.
Those are the ones we are most excited to put into the knowledge base.
Step Three: Let AI Attend Your Meetings
This is a particularly exciting development.
AI can now take notes during a meeting, summarize the meeting, identify action items, draft follow-up emails, and schedule the next meeting.
Eventually, it may be possible for AI to attend the meeting without you.
Imagine the productivity!
No human beings present.
Just six AI agents discussing whether another AI agent should create a PowerPoint explaining why the first AI agent’s proposal doesn’t align with strategic priorities.
Frankly, this is the future we have all been working toward.
Step Four: Don’t Worry About Layoffs
We understand that the phrase “AI efficiency” has occasionally appeared near the phrase “workforce reduction.”
But correlation is not causation.
For example, tech companies have announced well over 100,000 job cuts in 2026, with AI frequently cited alongside restructuring, cost cutting, and shifting priorities.
So please don’t conclude that we’re replacing you with AI.
We’re replacing some of the things you do with AI.
And then we’re going to reconsider how many people we need to supervise the remaining things.
Completely different.
Step Five: Become the Person Who Manages the AI
This is your real opportunity.
You don’t want to be the person whose job is automated.
You want to be the person who tells the AI what to automate.
There is a huge difference.
For example:
2025:
“Here is the spreadsheet. Please spend Tuesday checking every cell.”
2026:
“AI, check the spreadsheet.”
2027:
“AI, manage the spreadsheet team.”
2028:
“AI, why do we still have a spreadsheet team?”
2029:
“AI, please draft an email explaining the strategic rationale for eliminating the spreadsheet team.”
2030:
“AI, please send the email.”
At no point should you be concerned.
You are a strategic AI leader.
One Final Request
Please don’t resist AI.
Use it.
Experiment with it.
Teach it.
Give it your workflows.
Give it your templates.
Give it your shortcuts.
Give it the institutional knowledge that took you 15 years to acquire.
And if you happen to notice that the AI has become capable of doing 80% of your job, please notify your manager immediately.
Your manager will then ask you to use AI to increase your productivity by 40%.
This is called synergy.
Thank you for your continued dedication.
We couldn’t build the future without you.
Well, technically, we’re increasingly confident we could.
But we’d prefer that you build it for us first.
Sincerely,
The CEOs of America
P.S. Please remember to complete the mandatory AI training module by Friday. It is being delivered by an AI agent that was trained by three employees whose positions were eliminated last quarter.
